Dating is a weird concept, you guys. It really is.
Pick that person, go out with that person, awkwardly talk about your life, which you know so well but realize your date does not. You divulge information you didn’t realize you’d have to divulge, because you assume everyone knows, right? Where you were born, what your favorite color is, what you want to do with your life. And sometimes, these things click. You had a similar upbringing! Your parents’ divorce, your relationship with your siblings, your favorite books. These are all things you have in common.
This is exciting!
A relationship is forming, a rapport coming into shape.
So you go on a few hikes, start spending time together, things are going really, really well.
One night you plan to go out, you pick him up, say hi. He starts talking, but not actually talking. Words coming out of his mouth don’t really make sense, so naturally, you’re wigged out. Is he having a stroke? A seizure? He looks at you, eyes glassy, a slight grin on his face.
“Are you on drugs?”
The slight grin turns into a full blown smile, which gives way to full blown laughter. You don’t really think it’s funny.
“Seriously, are you on drugs?”
You get an answer in his lack of one.
“You know, I’m not doing this.”
You drop him off at his house, your plans canceled indefinitely, your night not ruined but definitely rained on.
The 45 minute drive back home consists of you and this band he’s shown you, which you really like but now aren’t sure you can enjoy fully. You’re pretty pissed, honestly. Feeling a little scammed, a month and a half of wasted time.
But was it actually wasted? You got some good music out of him. You realized that there are people out there who share your interests, who would like to spend time with you, who are genuinely interested in who you are. You actually read Frankenstein, which is totally underrated, by the way.
Connection does not always come totally to fruition, but is worth it regardless. We learn about ourselves through others, learn the act of give and take, of compromise. Whether that be through romantic relationships or platonic, these are valuable tools that we can utilize for the rest of our lives. And learning when to drop the mic, to throw in the towel, that is so incredibly important. Know your values, abide by your own code, and decide what you are and aren’t willing to tolerate.
And mostly, what I’ve taken away from this experience (surprise, it was my experience), is that everyone has something about them we won’t like. He was a really great guy. Seriously, he was. But I realized that I will not sacrifice my time for someone who is so strung out on acid that they can’t hold a coherent conversation with me.
Humans are fallible by nature and nobody is going to fit us perfectly in every way. Don’t let that keep you from trying, though!
Have good weeks!